Pete Dog-herty: Back in business

You have to feel sorry for Peter. He's a rock star. Shooting up copious amounts of skag is what rock stars do. It's great to see those old rockers like Steve Tyler and David Bowie, in the autumn of their lives having kicked the habit. But they are old. And you know all that great music was produced while on the hard stuff. Whether that hard stuff made those albums better or worse, we'll never know.

But Pete is in his prime. He's too young to say, "I've kicked the habit." Boring! We don't want a fat, middle-aged, past it, sober rock star. Phil Collins fills those shoes. We need a skinny, tortured genius. Otherwise it looks bad in our record collection. Who cares if the music's shit or he falls asleep at the microphone. At least we know that he's high on Horse. You can tell your friends, "It was great. Pete was high as a kite and could hardly talk." Just the way it should be.

If the music is shit now, it's just because it's shit and nothing else. So Pete is probably right to have a relapse. It's better for his brand. He's keeping the customers, who have bought into heroin chic, satisfied. And he's doing what people expect of him. The only people you have to worry about is his mum and Pete, the real person, not the 'rock star' you always see in the media.

Get well soon, Peter.